Mystic Maybes

After a friend recommended a Clairvoyant who had read her Tarot cards and predicted a series of events which have since unfolded as predisposed, I wanted to find out what the future has in store for me. I rounded up some friends for a night of wine and psychic action and arranged for - lets call her Claire Voyant - to pay a visit, partly for the craic and partly with the hope she'd reach into my soul and lay my life out on a plate... or just give me an insight into the next year or so. With so many plans involving turning my life upside down (literally down under); leaving my family, friends and cushy employment for the unknown, I needed some reassurance it would all be alright.

I was sadly disappointed however, not because Ms Voyant's predictions suggested all would not go smoothly, but because she seemed to have no idea what was in store for me. And Kiwi's Tarot reading didn't shed any light for us either.

Having chosen 14 cards out of a pack of 78, they were lain out in front of me before I was given a narration of what they all meant. Claire Voyant decided to give me my 'bad' cards first, to get them out the way. She said there was to be no deaths or serious illnesses for me or people 'surrounding me. ' She spoke often of these people 'surrounding me' and I'm still unclear as to whether she means my friends and family who I am emotionally close to, or my literally close neighbours, who I've never spoken to. But, whoever she meant, they, like me, will spend at least the next two years alive and in reasonable health. She did, rightly, tell me that I have IBS but it's just a petty stomach problem, but this was about the only thing she picked up on.

So, for the 'bad' cards, Claire Voyant believes I am in for a shock. That's it. Just a shock. I watch scary movies quite regularly, so perhaps she could be onto something. A little more specifically, she predicts 'there's going to be an argument, it'll start quite petty, but it'll escalate.' Apparently if I swallow my pride, I will win the argument anyway. Don't forget this argument, for it comes up later. The last 'bad' thing to prepare myself for was the most specific of all. There's a liar and petty thief in my life, who will steal £5 from me. £5, Ms Voyant was very defiant, 'it's not much, but it is if you work hard for it, and they'll lie to you.' Keep this in mind too, for she might have been right.

The rest of her predictions were so general, Claire Voyant didn't go into depth:
I'm going to go travelling; there's a proposal, a wedding and a birth; I'm going to sign a legal contract in the next two years; a man with blue to hazel eyes will offer me three jobs which I must consider seriously; I'm going to get a promotion and a pay rise at work; I'm not going to move house in the next six months; a woman called Laura will come into my life and be a good friend; there's a silver car (I see hundreds everyday, I have no idea what she means); a man with naturally dark skin and dark eyes means money for me (Kiwi has Maori blood, so he'll be the dark skinned man, woo bonus, I have a sugar daddy in the making); I'm going to do a course (I still have one module left of my uni course to complete, so she's sort of right there).

Generally, Claire Voyant says I'm just plodding along nicely in my life and I should just keep plodding, because I'm winning - I will be successful in everything I do. My cards were all good, and she says when I travel I will never go hungry, there will always be money, and I'll make a friend wherever I go. She sensed a lot of boredom in my cards - this is true, I have the attention span of a 3 year old and I get bored very easily. She says I'll travel because I just want to see what's out there, just for the sake of it, because of this boredom. She didn't predict my planned journey to New Zealand.

When she read Kiwi's cards, she told him he'll move to London for two years before moving back to Newcastle. And considering she told us there will be no break in our relationship, I have no idea how this will work with him in London and me travelling... Also, she predicted we were going to have a baby relatively soon. Cue the argument from earlier - it started off petty - just a conversation about what we'd do if I was pregnant, sparked off by Claire Voyant herself. It soon escalated to how differently we'd bring up this baby, and so the prediction was correct. One thing we did agree on is that Kiwi can consider my womb Fort Knox - he can double up, babies are not part of the big picture quite yet. On the up side, all Kiwi's cards pointed to one thing - money! He's going to set up his own business and he'll be successful, there's riches in his cards. But no travel - I'm surprised she didn't even make the assumption he'd move back home based on his accent.

Oh, one thing I neglected to mention is that there's going to be two 'lovers' for me. Claire says I have an admirer at work who will make themselves known and I will make a choice between them and Kiwi. Interesting, considering she told Kiwi that there will be a third party in our relationship, and he will make the choice. It's all a bit conflicting and confusing. Plus, I think the guys at work would rather gaffa tape my big gob than offer themselves to me. One last thing she was right about was that £5 though. I paid £5 of Kiwi's fee to Claire Voyant, and he refused to return it - I never had him down for a petty thief...

So, of my Clairvoyant experience, I would be intrigued to meet a real Clairvoyant. I truly believe they do exist - I'm a big believer in fate, and I do think there must be people out their who can read your chosen path. But not this particular lady, she was worth it for entertainment value; but Kiwi, myself and our phantom baby are not convinced.